Daily-ish
One of the most interesting books I’ve read this year was .
In it, the idea of doing things daily-ish is described. It says that its better for you if you plan on doing things daily-ish instead of daily. The argument is that there are many things in life that are out of our control (which are often the most important/rewarding), and that to be realistic with ourselves, given the nature of being a limited human being, we are better off striving for daily-ish and not a mechanized daily ritual.
This idea was powerful to me, as a perfectionist. I always felt like I was failing if I was not writing, exercising, journaling, learning or meditating daily, even though doing these things daily-ish provide all the benefits anyway, without the burnout.
Therefore I try to remind myself that I am a limited human being (like all other human beings), and strive to do my “habits” daily-ish.
Controlling our Time
As for having things outside of our control in our lives, that is perhaps part of its beauty. I used to fall into the trap of crafting the perfect weekly calendar, morning and evening routines, and inevitably feel horrible for not being able to follow through as planned. This might seem silly to non-perfectionists, but I truly felt horrible when I failed because I really believed I could do it all. I believed all my limitations to be either self-imposed or due to a lack of discipline.
An interesting thing happened to me when I started living with my girlfriend, though, instead of by myself. I had even more difficulty in keeping up with the highly planned and tightly controlled plan of how I would spend every hour of my day. This made me feel like even more of a failure for quite some time…
This inevitably has to happen, because living with a person strips you of some sovereignty over your time. Is that “bad”? Is that “unproductive”?
I thought so at first.
But I realised the best moments in life are the ones where you flow with it, like entering a river and letting it take you, instead of trying to control its flow. Not that living ittentionally isn’t something to strive for! I believe we ought to define goals and fight for them. But I also believe that we are not computers that deterministically set goals and always achieve it, as long as the programming works fine. Everyone has limitations, so setting goals must be done through that framework of thought, not through believing you can do anything, if only you are disciplined enough and have 100% control over your time.
I started being a bit less miserable when I saw that there’s a balance between being productive and not worrying about it at all. In other words, a balance between carving out your own path and letting life take its course.
This is the most realistic way to think. It’s not lazy to understand you’re limited in your daily energy and motivation. We try to treat ourselves as machines, as our own bosses; but we often need to treat ourselves as our own best friends.